Nurturing Resilience

My interest in the concept of resilience and the application of a strength-based approach to psychotherapy, parenting, and teaching began more than 40 years ago.  Several key experiences contributed to this interest, including my role as (a) the principal of a school in the inpatient unit of a child and adolescent program of a psychiatric hospital and (b) a therapist for many children, adolescents, and adults, a number of whom were struggling with learning.

Not surprisingly, during the past 40 years the definition of resilience as well as research related to this concept has become more elaborated and sophisticated.  It is beyond the scope of this article to detail what psychologist and researcher Ann Masten at the University of Minnesota has called the “four waves” of resilience research.  However, without wishing to oversimplify the content of these four waves, it should be noted that studies of resilience have evolved from identifying the attributes of children who have dealt successfully with adversities to examining multiple factors that impact on resilience including the dynamic interaction of child, family, school, and cultural influences, neurobiological processes, and brain development—an interaction that may be understood as a biopsychosocial perspective. 

As we are all aware, an appreciation of resilience has assumed even greater importance since the emergence of COVID-19.  Studies indicate that the pandemic has contributed to a rise in anxiety, depression, and mental health issues in all age groups.   During the many webinars I have given since March, 2020 I have heard numerous accounts of the intense levels of stress and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness being experienced by both children and adults.

Given my longstanding interest in articulating the ways in which parents and schools might nurture intrinsic motivation, hope, and resilience in children and adolescents, I have selected a few guiding principles for accomplishing this task.

The Importance of a “Charismatic Adult”:  A basic finding in the resilience literature is the importance of children having caring, supportive adults in their lives.  In the absence of such relationships, it is extremely difficult for a child to develop the outlook and skills associated with resilience.  The late psychologist Julius Segal spent years studying variables that helped children to overcome adversity.  He concluded, “One factor turns out to be the presence in their lives of a charismatic adult—a person from whom they can gather strength.”  Segal observed that teachers often serve in that role in addition to or sometimes in place of parents.   

I conducted research in which I found that even “seemingly small gestures” of support on the part of adults can have a lifelong influence on children.  Caregivers should appreciate the impact that even brief words of encouragement, an expression of empathy, an offer of assistance, or a smile can have.  The following are two areas that deserve special attention if we are to be a charismatic adult in the life of a child:

Promote a Sense of Personal Control:  Personal control, which is an essential component of resilience, involves focusing one’s time and energy on things over which we can have some influence rather than constantly attempting to change things that are beyond our control.  As one example, psychologist Paul Gerber found that adults with learning differences who were faring well had been able to move beyond the thought, “Why did I have to be born with a learning problem?” and instead adopt the belief, “I had no control over being born with a learning problem, but I do have control over my attitude and response to this situation.”  In contrast, adults with LD who were not resilient continued to lament, “Why me?”  The latter question served as an ongoing barrier, preventing their coping more effectively with their learning struggles.

If we are to assist children to develop a sense of personal control, it is imperative that we reinforce their problem-solving skills so that they feel more competent and empowered to handle challenges that appear in their lives.  For instance, when children I’ve seen in therapy successfully complete a task, whether in or out of school, I often ask why they think they succeeded.  Many students with learning problems, trapped in what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset,” are likely to attribute their success to factors outside of their control such as “luck” or “the test was easy.”  I always viewed as one of my main goals of therapy to help these children and adolescents understand that their success was based on their own problem-solving behaviors (e.g., seeking and receiving extra help, studying, completing their assignments).  Adopting this belief reinforced personal control and optimism for future accomplishments.

One other significant component of developing personal control involves helping children to be less fearful of making mistakes and feeling humiliated—an all-too-common situation for those with learning differences.  One strategy for minimizing the fear of making mistakes is to introduce and “prepare” children for this inevitable occurrence while ensuring that this preparation does not prompt a “self-fulfilling prophecy” for failure.  One example of this strategy is the technique of “mental contrasting” introduced by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen’s; children (or adults) are asked to consider not only possible obstacles to achieving established goals but, in addition, how they will cope with these obstacles and setbacks should they appear.  When children engage in this task, not only is personal control reinforced, but the deleterious impact of mistakes is significantly reduced.

Identify and Reinforce “Islands of Competence”:  In the early stages of my career my clinical activities were guided by what was known as the “medical” model that emphasized the identification of what is wrong with people and “fixing” their “deficits.”  As I shifted to a strength-based approach, I recognized the importance of actively identifying and reinforcing each person’s passions and strengths.  In the early 1980s I introduced the metaphor “islands of competence” in my work.  When consulting with parents and/or teachers about their child/student who was experiencing learning or emotional problems, I was careful not to ignore a discussion of the child’s problems, but I began to ask these caregivers what they perceived to be the child’s interests, strengths, passions or “islands of competence.”

 Not knowing what to expect, I was very impressed with what typically transpired when parents, teachers, and other caregivers were asked to identify the child’s islands of competence.  A consideration of strengths prompted caregivers to initiate creative strategies to help children address the problems they faced.   A sense of optimism appeared as did a more empathic understanding of the child.  As one illustration that actually influenced an entire school and not just one student, a principal, after hearing me describe the benefits of identifying the “islands of competence” of students, developed a one-page form that was to be completed before any meeting related to the student in question.  The first section asked for a list of all of the student’s islands of competence.  The second section requested the teacher or other staff members to describe the ways in which these islands could be reinforced to help the student feel more motivated and dignified in the school setting.  The principal told me that completing this one form had a major positive impact on the ways in which teachers related to students.

In summary, if we are to nurture hope and resilience in children and students, we must recognize that each one of us can serve as a charismatic adult in their lives, focusing on their islands of competence, reinforcing their belief in personal control, developing their problem-solving skills, and assisting them to cope more effectively with the setbacks and mistakes that are likely to occur in their lives.